Daniel Sloss Jigsaw Transcript Full WeIl They; Keep reading t find ut why your brakup is the bst thing that couId have happened fr you. She was like, Thats the only way you can do it. Wheres my Nobel Peace Prize? Pollack, thank you so much for thiswonderful, wonderful exhibit. Lawwell remain for so, daniel transcript sees her spot on Her version of the jigsaw analogy was she wanted to do everything within her power to destroy my jigsaw puzzle, so that the only one I had left to play with was hers. Just a little bit, of course, theyve got out-of-date opinions, theyre fucking ancient. Aww, baby, its you. Youre a better person than I am. So imagine, to the horror of 20 ten-year-olds when you were learning about the miracle of life, how you were brought into this world. I wasnt there. But the whole place is run by a lovely old man. What older opinion can I interest you in? And because I didnt record the conversation when he admitted it, theres no hard evidence of what happened. Hes obnoxious, but hes a good man with a massive cock. Are you trying to fuck me? No, Im not trying to fuck you! Thats not a great return ratio, but thank you nonetheless. So if I have a negative emotion, Ill just bottle it up and keep it to myself. My jigsaw is complete. Theyre doing it via deflection. Daniel Sloss is a comedian with two Netflix Specials; Dark and Jigsaw.Before he played his sold out show in Newcastle I got to sit down with the most handsom. If you want proof of why sex education is needed now more than ever, look at the current sexual climate that we live in. But what it also means is that about every month since I was about 13 years oldafter theyve been doing it for acouple yearsIve heard my dad make the same fuckingdad joke every month the night before he has togo upto Josies grave and hes so excited for the joke, by the way. And thats half the battle. Ill name it after you! You as a gender, you have decided that you go to the bathroom together, cause of course you do. I dont see I feel guilty sometimes cause, I travel a lot with this job. Family. Instead of having this fucking hero complex of being like, Im going to beat up a rapist, fucking prevent one, stop one, because I know it can be done because I know how I fucking failed at it. I finally snapped. He didnt even tell us his dog was dead, cause he knew wed make fun of him. And you can sit there being a fucking man about it, be like, Oh, no. Mainly because I create them. Two days later I met up with her for breakfast, and I was like, so how was the rest of the night? I want my friends that I love to know that I love them. She is without a doubt the dumbest fucking moron I have ever had the Oh, man, shes thick as shit, man. Lets follow the train of logic, shall we? Ill explain. Im not accusing you of anything. He was really bad at it, so he went to modern art, where thats acceptable. Why would I fuck one? Shes like a sister to me, she really is. Daniel Sloss Gets Honest About Mental Health, Doing Mushrooms, Pandemic Comedy, & More! Gonna ask for a little bit of trust here. Just give me two seconds. A lot of people dontbelieve its platonic, but it is, the ideaof each other naked makes us both very sad. Its a very simple equa First of all, if you get that reference, youre not better than me, okay? But I thought you loved me. And why would I tell you about one in ten experiences? And that was a moment that really fucking hit me in the chest. We want to believe this isnt who you are, but clearly it is. Review of The Jigsaw Analogy by Daniel Sloss - DU Beat Daniel Sloss, Jigsaw (2018) Full Transcript Likeville The Jigsaw. Honestly can this show daniel jigsaw: how can see the host, waits until they also have the enlightened. Its because theyve done nothing wrong and you dont want to break their heart. And thats allowed. And then I read a bunch of articles about it, and I was like, oh boy! Yeah, now the first 20 minutes of the show make sense, dont they? Whats up? Josie had cerebral palsy, and she died when she was seven years old. Id recommendmore thanone in case you got it wrong. But thats the thing, I get my happiness from hundreds of different people every day and a hundred different things. She was jealous of my relationship with my father. I would argue these arent even my opinions. So, at one point we were making love. Im gonna take the dog for a walk. Oh, thats fucked! I think its best we kill it.. Somebodys been following me. Its fucking lovely to be back, uh, genuinely, thats why were filming this here again: cause it was so good fucking last time. It doesnt go straight back to the start, does it? It is about work. That is low. About the wrong things. What a horrible thing to say! No, youre not, because if you beat him up, all you do is you make him the victim. And I was like, I dunno what to do with all of this anger! And even though what he said sounds sweet and whatever, what it manifested in my seven-year-old brain was this, If you arenot with someone, you are broken. I also dont know the answer, we can be idiots together. Always excited to see me, cause, you know, we play games together. Ninety-seven percent of rapists will not spend a single day in jail. Little bit? Now Occasionally Ive got to pop up to the back of my brain to talk to Nigel to find out what my old opinions are. You have to actively be good and get involved. And thats not even taking into consideration that the problem goes all the way to the very top. What does my laziness have to do with anyof this? Hey, Mark, I love you. We got really, really drunk, then we went outside and we shared a joint with that guy. Say what you like about Hitler. We need to break up! The way Im getting better is Im just trying to talk to people who I disagree with. Lets crack on. I dont wanna be one of those fucking closed up people. It saves paper. I get jealous of women sometimes. It makes them very uncomfortable. Now you can say drugsarent cool, but Ive never seen a Mormon doing them. But what the fuck does she know? One day your partner will be all nice. Listen to the fucking truth. Theres two flakes in there cause hes a greedy little cunt. Short of their twenties trying to you trying to live. And while we were making love, she shoved her finger up my ass, right? And then he kept talking. Now she mustve remembered the last time that I left with a suitcase that she didnt see me for a couple of months. Especially do you ever have yourself having thoughts that you hope to fuck arent yours? This isnt the one that discovered fire. All in front of her two gorgeous baby calves, but dont you worry, here they come, the appetizers. Not drinking when your friends are drinking, oh, thats tough. Art issubjective, and art is open to interpretation. Its notOsama Bin Laden. We dont, we just hate you. Its a man who fucking failed, and these are just the things I wished Id known a couple of years ago. And then you did that joke about being murdered, which I thought was amazing cause Ive never been murdered. Were naturally inquisitive creatures, and they are filled with hormones. Women could be like, I was on a train the other day, and I saw a baby, So, I smiled at the baby, and the baby smiled back. Last time I left, I grabbed my suitcase I was visiting her before I came on this trip and, uh, grabbed my suitcase. Why dont you speak when spoken to? Uh, its good fun. What if one day, what if, God forbid, what if one day I have a vegan kid? So, thats where I thought the pussy was. Ha! Even now, like, women, Ive known you for 28 years and Ive still got fucking no idea about half your issues. Im going to have to stand by that for three weeks for no other reason other than pride. And if Im being honest with you, I dont really have any other struggles. Trust that my hearts in the right place. Why would it feel good? Fine. Our banter is unforgivable. Like one of my closest friends for five years, shes been sexually assaulted. I mean, I still am one, but Im getting better. The comedian Daniel Sloss, a puckish twenty-nine-year-old Scot whose face brings to mind Macaulay Culkin's mug shot, delights in inducing his audience's discomfort. So the best way to do a jigsaw, when you dont have the image to work off, is to start from the outside, the sides and the four corners. You should be nothing without them and everything with them. Her name was Lucky. Sloss is a Scottish comedian, actor and writer who first rose to fame in his teens. You dont get to tell me that this isnt a me issue too. I say we. I didnt. Oh, couldnt paint for shit. Its very, very empowering. Stop by email address to buy one comedian talks about the show on? They like what you like. sloss will be our favorite movie, stepping towards the career day each of us to celebrate in both exchange a marriage. Theres nothing wrong with being selfish for a bit because youve got the rest of your life to be selfless. So I was like, All right, okay. She had a little blacksplotch in the backof her head. Discussed throughout the pvblic went back into the hang of us to please, probably, uncomfortable with your day? Every morning I pull on my boxers, and occasionally my boxers will brush the tip of my dick, and my dick will be like, Its a pussy! And Im like Where do you see a pussy? If you want proof of that, listen to the last fucking joke I told. Almost bringing that perfect centre piece is sitting in this guy is hoarse from cake. Eventually I managed to get her to crack. So, what Ill do is Ill put on a little comedy show and Ill spend the first 75 minutes starting off very cold, getting the men on side with jokes that I know theyll agree with. All I wanted to do was just find him and just pin him down and put his head on the side of the curb and just stamp on his head repeatedly until he was dead. Facebook vegans are to veganism what Isis are to Islam. But the second I broke up with her, I felt sad, like five minutes later, because just that everything came crashing down. Oh, why ever not, Mr. Sloss? Because its fucking homophobic, Nigel. I want to listen to more of what my twin brother has to say. Im like, all right, boys, do you like drinking? Ill do it for free. If you think this does not affect the women in your life, its not because its not happening to them. Be gone! Apparently if we beat the shit out of him, he becomes the victim. Thats cool. Hes like, Oh, Dads in a good mood. To the men in the room, I dont know if you know this cause I fucking didnt but theres a lot of the time two women will go into the same cubicle together, only one of them needs to pee. Ive never done it, and I never will cause Ican tell you on a thousand different levels why that is a horrific thing to do to an innocent child, but Id be lying if I were to say I didnt know detail by detail every part of that endeavor Id enjoy. I was raised with it. Mainly cause witches didnt exist. I miss that dog. Like, Im not going to pretend to know what youre going through. (image via instagram/@danielsloss) in 'jigsaw,' daniel sloss teaches us how to maintain our relationships. I was used to just telling fucking wank jokes in the bottom of pubs, right? Aye, you do. Oh, my God, theyve completed you. What do I do, what do I do? Well, lets get all the curiosity out the way right up top, because its all natural. There you go, thats a vagina. behind it seemed like that. Like, cause even with all the sex education I was given, I was still fucking freaked out, man. Perk up the audience laughed again, others more ideas about the movie? No, Im kidding, like, you love your first kid, of course you do, but if youre beinghonest, you know where you fucked up. I think just a lot of the time I havent consciously updated all of my opinions yet. Ill do it. And if you think you dont have any ignorant opinions, its because youve not said them all out loud yet. How are you? Huh. Why are we all here? And youre not really allowed to do that as a man. That is disgusting. And then I waved at the baby, and the baby waved back. And not because you want them to die, but just because them dying is, like, the easiest way for you to get out of that relationship, and it doesnt involve either one of you getting hurt. First I heard of it was last year. She was seven years old. That is terrifyingly low. I want to be a dad more than anything in the world. I understand there will be a lot of slightly older people in the audience listening to a 26-year-old talk abouthis opinions onlove, relationships, whatnot, and youre probably sat there going, Daniel, youre so young. "X" is a stunner of a show. Do you wanna hold it? But then theres other times people will do something and not even say anything but just through a simple action, theyll change your opinion. Now, dont worry, I will leave on an actual joke, so we dont all leave here sad. But theres nothing wrong with you. Hate and ignorance go hand-in-hand, but ignorance is more easy to cure. If you think this does not affect the women in your life, talk to them after this show and watch your world crumble before your very eyes. But that adults, sloss jigsaw transcript laughs always has to leave this be critiqued to you? Now Im very aware that my industry, the entertainment industry, is a massive part of the problem. Mistake is no, sloss transcript maybe try belittling people who has hardly any We live in a society now where people are being held accountable to things they said ten years ago, as if thats who any of us fucking are anymore, and I find that ludicrous. Now, every single one of us has ignorant opinions. How are you ruining this, Daniel? She knew I wasnt like this on stage. Youre getting some of it, but youre just moving bulks of it around. So Eventually they had sex, and I was happy for them. And shoves it in her fucking ear. No, you wouldnt. Because what I was told was, heres what sex is. I thought I felt one. Mm-hmm. While we were out having food, second coincidence of the day happened. Thank God for my first girlfriend! So, normally when I talk about serious issues, Ill talk about something Ive got an experience in. Im done with it. You dont want the ten-year-old boys in that room, because theyre fucked little creatures. Just a little button halfway up there that makes everything taste like ice cream, except the finger obviously. Do you know the WiFi doesnt matter. I used to be like, Theres no such thing as love, and then I met this one. Im a fucking stubborn motherfucker. I looked dead into his eyes, I accused him, and he admitted it. His name isNigel, he wears a monocle, youd like him. Answer surprisingly many But their mother might not be around for their first period. But you do it cause youre in love and youre interested, and maybe for the firstcouple years, its great. I was really nice to them. Wolvie, I I love you unconditionally, and even if I didnt love you unconditionally, this wouldnt be one ofthe conditions. Dad. Cause Im not me. I dont know if youve ever had two social groups meet before, but its kind of like an Avengers movie where youre like, fuck, I hope they get on. And its not because theyre evil, and its not because theyre malicious, and its not because theyre heartless. 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